Sunday, August 30, 2009

Eggs and Eggs

I have monsoon cravings when I ovulate. So even if I didn't plump up like a stuffed Thankgiving turkey, I would still know it was TIME.

So this particular evening, hard boiled eggs were the must eat item. "MUST EAT EGGS" the ovaries screamed. And so I obliged.

Obliged to the tune of 10 or 11 eggs. Four or five eggs plain (no yolks) and then all the remaining eggs on two slices of bread as a mayo-y, mustardy, pickle laced, egg salad sandwich. Apparently the giant sandwich wasn't quite perfect - it needed something... say... two whole cloves of raw garlic? Yes. You read correct.

My only defense for this gross gastro misdemeanor is that it sounded great at the time.

I am sure the consequences of this culinary lapse in judgement would be completely predictable to anyone in their right mind, so I will be brief in my description of the HORRIBLE pain I was in for hours that night. I won't go into too much detail about the garlic egg burps that were happening with each breath. Painful, terrible memories...

With tears dripping down the corners of my eyes, and a mouth full of Starburst to distract me from the thought of egg, I closed my eyes and prayed for morning.

H's biggest concern over the egg debacle: His irresponsible wife was eating candy in bed AFTER brushing her teeth.

I guess the Lord heard my prayer for life and H's prayer for my dental welfare. Both were in tact come morning. Hallelujah.


Liz said...

Hilarious. I love that h was more concerned about your teeth than his own encounter with what must have been some horendous egg breath! What a guy??

Jennifer said...

This disgusting story just made my night.

Natalee said...

Miracles do come true!! The Lord answers prayers!! Even the really hilarious gross ones.

Also, don't feel bad I've had my own food-obsessed moments myself! Everything really does taste better dipped in peanut butter.