I don't think I believe in unconditional love for a spouse. Children definitely, spouse no. I have always conceived of certain deal breakers in a marriage. However, the longer I am married the more I reconsider items I formerly labeled absolute deal-breakers. Fortunately I have only had to think about this in the abstract. At least on my end.
So it was a real shocker when H told me his.
The only recurring struggle in my marriage is the children issue. The only really gruesome, painful arguments are not about whether to have children, how many to adopt, etc. They are about HOW to have children. At my darkest points I wonder why two people were put together in such a fun happy marriage only to differ on such a major issue. At my darkest moments I wonder why I didn't marry the man who also dreamed moving to Africa and joining the peace corp, or who also has a passion for social work and a mission to help hurt children. At my darkest moments I am ready to find that man. But then I am gently reminded that the man I have is good, and the marriage I have is also good, good I owe in part to the fact that we rely so much on each other to get through the bad that only we alone know.
So H has told me that if I am not willing to at least try to have a biological child via IVF, it will be a deal breaker. I am hoping this was a threat only issued at his darkest moments. I actually understand where he is coming from, and his reasons. But to have the concrete ultimatum still hurts.