You would think if you were trying to have a baby, you wouldn't be on birth control. It seems kind of self defeating. Which is precisely why I had a prescription written months ago and couldn't bring myself to fill it. IT JUST FEELS WRONG.
However, I really should have taken something to stop cycling after I got "cleaned out" last November. And I didn't. I guess I even I, the wonder-skeptic have been affected by all those eye witness/my mom's sister's friend's aunt stories I hear about people waking up after their laparoscopies, looking at the nearest man's junk, and instantly becoming mothers.
Long story short: I have put in a good 10 or so cycles of old fashioned trying post surgery. My endo symptoms are worse than ever, and getting worse by the cycle. My cycles are an unfortunate 23-26 days SHORT, which means between ovulation and periods, I have only a few good days each month where H remembers why he married me, and gets the courage to stick it out with the psycho for another round, bless his brave heart. And, realistically, IVF is the last trick in my hat, so I may as well preserve my parts until that occurs. So tomorrow: For real: I am going to fill the prescription and start taking it. Oy.
A lot of my hang-ups about it have to do with the guilt that comes from doing something so self-serving. I LOVE THE PILL. I have missed you my sweet friend and companion. I take the packs back to back for months at a time so I only have a few periods a year and it is absolute endo sufferer's bliss! Again, I feel like the downside is I now have zero chance of having a free pregnancy, but realistically, were my odds that great anyway? So my hypothetical accident baby will have to be replaced by my Pill baby. Call me an unfit mother because it sounds like a good trade to me.