Wednesday, May 5, 2010


I don't know how many weirdos have told us we "deserve" a baby. It's being pitched like leather seats in new car. Or a Snickers.
The latest one to pitch this idea was my reproductive endocrinologist. She said "adoption is not straight forward" And I appreciated her saying that, because the "you deserve a baby" comment is paralleled in crazy only by the "why not just adopt" line. No person who has ever adopted would use the word "just" to describe one part of it: emotional, financial, or otherwise. Doctor could have just left things at that and the converstion wouldn't have been so Twin Peaks-ish. But she has to continue on to inform us that we are such a nice couple, and have been through so much, and though there are kids in state custody, they have problems, so we really just deserve a baby, and there is an agency in town that does place babies.
Apparently nice "deserving" people should get babies, and other, less deserving people have to settle for used kids and fabric seats in their cars.


Sarah said...

When I read this post the thing that struck me is that we have all been on the receiving end of those kinds of comments, and then I realized we have all been on the giving end of those as well. In our efforts to offer comfort and support to one another we sometimes offend and hurt eachother even more. I think that comes from our inability to have experienced everything everyone else has, but still desiring to provide comfort and help. How grateful I am for a Savior who in fact did experience every thing I have and will, and who knows perfectly how to comfort and support me.
P.S. I hope this didn't turn out to be one of those comments.

Melissa said...

I hate the word "deserve". Your post is right on the money saying 'Apparently nice "deserving" people should get babies, and other, less deserving people have to settle for used kids and fabric seats in their cars.'

I see where your are coming from 100%. And when people toss the phrase 'just adopt' it is just as hurtful as someone telling you 'just relax is will happen'.

I've witnessed the adoption process and there is NOTHING 'just' about it. Just like infertility, it has its own bag of emotional and financial baggage.

I can't offer anything, but I really understand your posts and I relate so much to yours words.

Natalee said...

My sister adopted two kids and it was a long process, years were involved. There's no "just" about it.

Also I think those older kids really deserve a nice couple like you guys! I know that adopting a child with issues can be a real concern, but I think if you feel right about a child then you should go for it. the thing is you could have a child with problems if he's biologically yours, adopted as a baby, or adopted as an older kid. There is no way of knowing so you might as well just do what you think is best. You guys are a great couple and will make great parents no matter who you're beautiful children will be!