Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Random thoughts..

I find it very cool that infertility has forced H and I outside of the box when we think about family building. We are not limited by age, or gender, or race. We will just do what feels right when it feels right. It is a realistic possibility that my first child could be a teenager. Or that none of my kids will look like me. The limitations we do have are that always looming biological clock; it will dictate when, and how we do IVF. The second limitation is financial. At this point neither of us are willing to adopt or foster a young child until we have a biological child. The leap from working to stay at home foster or adoptive mom seems really enormous, but for some reason, the leap from working to staying at home with a bio newborn seems necessity, and to adopt when I am already SAHM anyway doesn't seems like less of a leap.

I genuinely love that I can have such an open/abstract picture of family. H has really come around in the last year too. I found sweet looking sibling group of teenagers the other day, and have been imagining them in our lives. At first it is fun, and I can even mentally handle the worst case scenarios I run through in my head; the thing that always gets me is the actual logistics, the actual cost, the actual human beings behind the cute smiles. That is when I get scared and start thinking about less monumental topics, such as what to eat for dinner.

But no matter how scary, or crazy the idea is, reality is already nuts for those kids. I don't know what happened to their parents: But they are up for adoption because NO ONE, not a single relative, friend of the family, teacher, clergyman, neighbor had the guts to take them in. So the only people they have in the world are their siblings, and they can't even have that because siblings are so difficult to place. The oldest brother who is almost 16 plans to adopt his siblings when he is emancipated. It is scary how focused a 15 year old boy is on a "dream" that is a right to most.


Jennifer said...

I totally feel the same way when I see those kids and siblings looking to be placed for adoption. HOW can nobody want them? Let me take them; I want them! In fact, my parents-in-law fostered two boys whose living relatives in the geographical area wouldn't have them. "Too hard," they all said. Yeah, well, who wouldn't be when you are being held worthless by your own family?

You know what (change of topic)? I actually feel the way you are describing about reality sinking in and getting scared - only I feel it after I find out I'm pregnant. Yeah, I know. So excited. So blessed. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE!?!? I can't undo it! Oh shit! Don't tell my mom I just cussed.

I never even considered what it would be like to think about having my children without biological clocks or race or age stipulations. What an awesome concept! Can't I just see little N and H at a shower for their three 6 foot black teenaged first kids.

Natalee said...

Our Bishop had eight kids and then when all but one child was grown and moved out they happened upon two teenagers whose parents didn't want to deal with them anymore. The bishop and his wife adopted them. He says they were so good and well behaved. They just seem so grateful to have a loving home.
I totally feel that way when I am pregnant too, scared beyond belief. "How am I going to raise this child?" But it always works out. The Lord knows what he is doing.

Liz said...

It's so neat how the Lord forms families. Many different ways, all of which are right and beautiful.