Bleh. We finally had our post IVF chat with the doctor. They schedule you weeks out, presumably so the angry patients can calm down a bit. As of this morning, I would have said their little plan had worked, because I had a mellow, normal week. Apparently that was just me going through the motions of life, happy to be distracted by a 65 hour work week. Not much time to dwell or stew. I wonder if dwelling and stewing is healthy though...

Unfortunately we got the answers, or lack thereof that we were expecting. There was no identifiable problem except the poor quality of our embryos. And there is really no explanation for that. So if we were to do this again (internal cringe) the only thing that they would do differently is give me a higher dose of stims, to hopefully better our chances via simply retrieving more eggs. Doesn't sound like rocket science to me.

So the doctor said that statistically, our odds the second and third time are about the same as the first. But after three your odds plummet. I wonder if that is because many patients can't finish treatment the fourth time because they are too busy setting themselves on fire. I'm just saying, I can think of better things to do with my sanity and money, thank you very much.

I also am left to wonder what it really means when your doctor strongly suggests looking into adoption. STRONGLY. (More on that strange part of the conversation in another post) I guess I appreciate her realism. I also wonder where it leaves me that when I asked her if I can and should get on a drug to suppress my periods - and therefore my endometriosis (and therefore the chance of every getting a freebie pregnancy) she didn't answer yes or no, just simply my various drug options.

And furthermore, I am really left trying to deal with the fact that when I asked if it would be a good idea to suppress my period and try again sometime in the next five years she directly answered "I would try within a year".

It's a premature death I am not ready to handle. I was expecting to lay my last eggs around 35. Not next year. I am so sad.