A friend (who obviously doesn't read this blog) just told me that I never talk about my problems so it is refreshing to hear them because it proves I am human. I guess this revelation wasn't surprising to me, but it still isn't what I am shooting for in my humanity. I want to be open and honest and real and approachable. But realistically, deep to my core, I am a very private person. I guard my information and feelings very carefully and when I do release something personal it is generally intentional and well thought out. I think in circles about why this is the way that I am. Is it a bad thing that I am private? Am I private because I fear of bad things?
I do not withold my problems because I am a positive person. I withhold them because I do not want to seem like a whiner. There is a fine art to airing your dirty laundry and I am not confident in airing in a way that will come off as honest and endearing. We all know the attention hounds who only talk about themselves and their gazillion whoas. I don't wanna be that girl. We also know the straight talking, inspiring, get down and dirty with their struggles, I am every woman kind of woman. I want to be that girl, but don't know how.
Also, deep in my chemical makeup, I am a listener and data collector. I feel that I am good at listening, and therefore would rather do that. I feel that I have found (in the past) a successful niche in listening to women. There are so many talkers out there I think they like having an audience member. Or so I hope. I love the things I learn from listening to women. If they are the straight talkers, I learn from their experiences. If they are the attention hounds I learn about human nature. I have friends who are both, and I have found many reasons to genuinely like both types. I hope they like the private, listening, data collecting type. At least until I figure out how to be a different kind of girl.