Sometimes in life I have no idea how much I want something until I finally get it:
After about three months of waiting, hoping, emailing, ignoring, denying, and finally just praying my heart out that it could finally happen, my background checks finally came through and I will have my homestudy next MONDAY!
I can't even believe how excited I was. I thought it was just a tiny thing. Another box to check on my list. But it feels like so much more than that right now and I was so excited to receive the good news from the adoption coordinator, I had to fight not to cry. Tears of happiness! How shocking. And exciting.
And then the bummer: I told a friend about the homestudy excitement and her reaction was "cool. - So how is the IVF stuff coming?" Perhaps I was reading too much into this but I took this really hard. Like the adoption stuff is the ugly stepchild to my "real baby" aspirations.
This could have been benign, but it comes on the back of being schooled by this friend that "older kids have so much baggage. You need to take your nieces and nephews into consideration in this too." I feel anger as I type this now... Focus on happy things, focus on the homestudy, focus on the 100 things on my to do list I need to get done before Monday. Happiness is returning.