Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Oh stupid girl

You know when perhaps you have made a bad decision? And if someone else where to point a flaw in your thinking you would go berzerk. You know you were stupid, and can admit it to yourself, but just pray that no one else dares notice it. Because then you could level them with all your reasons you made the decision in the first place.

Cleary I have done a dumb thing. I am already armed to defend my decision.

I have picked a really stupid time to do IVF. I am already busy at work with no end in sight, just mounting stress and deadlines. I am being buried. And this is no different from last year. I just imagined that I could control and handle things better this year. Yes. I felt confident I could be more efficient and better at handling the stress of the tax season while simultaneously creating human life in a petri dish via massive doses of self injected crazy hormones. Umm. I am so glad blogs don't talk back or judge so I can just type in a defeated whisper: I am a freaking idiot. I messed up. I lost my mind. WHAT HAVE I DONE (In a wail, shaking fists at sky).

No comments: