Wednesday, January 6, 2010

We're expecting...

...a niece or a nephew. My little sister is indeed pregnant, and she did indeed heed my neurotic request to tell me first, over the phone. It was really nice of her to accomodate me. I have known since sometime before Christmas. I haven't written about it because it has taken me a while to separate my sadness from my happiness, and though she doesn't read this blog to my knowledge, I am finally grasping the concept that ugly things written are still ugly even if the person you are addressing will never know. I don't think I had a truly ugly thing to say about her or her baby, but my mind was in such a dark place I feared what would come out of my mouth.
My sis certainly deserves better than that. So I waited. And now I am OK with talking about it. I had anticipated having a hard time with the news, but didn't really know the large and unexplainable slump and stupor it would put me in to.
She made up T shirts to surprise the family on Christmas day. I was so eternally grateful I couldn't be there for Christmas. I would have lost something important if I had been there that day. I am not sure what exactly, but it felt critical during that slump to not allow myself to lose anything. Tact and sanity included.


Liz said...

the gammit of emotions you must have and must still be feeling must be hard to sort through and many of them. you always manage to do just that and explain them all so well.

Melissa said...

It's so hard... I know. My family is made up of my parents and my sister who is 20 years old and her best friend who is 20 as well. My sister's best friend has become family over the past 15 years and I consider her my sister. She was even introduced that way at my wedding. At 19 she became pregnant, had the baby last August. The news was so hard, not only cause of her age and circumstance but because of my struggles. It's hard to be happy when envy and sadness is in the back of your mind. I love her baby so much and love her but it's still hard every once in awhile.

I totally relate to your posts! I am so happy I found your blog, I feel so less alone knowing others are out there too, feeling and dealing with that crap I am too.