Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Pinch Me!

I had my sonohistogram done today. Man that was a whole lot of hype for nuthin'. My last ultrasound took longer than that little puppy. This took less than 10 minutes. Which makes the $700 price tag all the more ubsurd. BUT WAIT. This time I walked into the clinic and the girl at the front desk said "Unfortunately, we consider this a treatment with a specialist so your copay will be $50 instead of $25." "You mean instead of $700", I thought. "Yes, how unfortunate!" I handed over that insurance card and signed that slip as fast as my happy little hand could. I feel like I have committed a slightly devious act on that one - something costing LESS than anticipated. My insurance COVERING a procedure. Somebody pinch me. Oh wait, somebody did. That was the only bad part of the procedure: I digress:
This was a vaginal ultrasound and the doc lubed up the wand and then asked me if I wanted to "do the insertion". MYSELF?! Do people do that? Are they required to ask that now? I said "NO WAY". What the crap was that? I haven't ever been asked if I want to do my own laymans insertion. I would be way embarrassed to be all up in stirrups and then do my own "insertion". Call me old fashioned, but I just like to lie there with with my toes clenched and my thumbnail digging into my palm as a pain distractor and allow the doctor to insert wands into me. Some things need not ever be self service in my book. So right after I say the "NO WAY" that was thick with "Are you insane man!", the doc proceeds to wand me and essentially inserts the wand and jabs it all around like a five year old pretending to be Harry Potter. Too much wand action man!!! I screamed and crab crawled my naked but up bed. I really alarmed the doctor and he apologized profusely. I explained I had endometriosis (and that felt like a lobster was taking out his bad day on the inside of my rectum). I don't understand what's up with that, but it just is. He immediately saw the endo spots on my ovaries (which are not that bad), so he bought my whole crawling up the walls act, and proceeded with great care and apologies. It made me really wonder if my sex life truly sucks because apparently Dr. Potter does the bopping wand magic with all his other ladies and my reaction was the anomaly.?. Strange. But I guess we all just got to live by our own version of normal. - Except when my insurance actually covers stuff. That is abnormal. And I will live by that too.


Melissa said...

He asked you!?!?!?! I have had like 15 of those ultrasounds and NEVER had them ask... thats so odd!!!

your post made me laugh.. those wands are crazy weird!!!

Super excited for you!!!!

Jennifer said...

I cannot stop laughing at "do your own insertion!" I can think of many social settings that would be awesome to drop that line into. Mailbox. Sonic straws. Qtips. Oh my gosh, I'm packing this one away for future reference!

Natalee said...

I can't believe that!!! I've never had a doctor ask me if I wanted todo any procedure my self, especially and internal ultrasound. Does he let his patients do their own pap smears too?

Liz said...

kay, so that self insertion thing is disturbing. maybe i have skewed perceptions of men but does he get off to that or something? i would have opted the same as you. and i think the joy of monogamy is our husbands only get what they get with nothing to compare it to, so if their sex lives suck, they're never gonna know it!