Monday, February 8, 2010

So I am not the momma salmon after all...

My appointment did not go well.

Last week the doctor looked at the crazy fuzz on the ultrasound screen and told me I had about 20 potential eggs that could mature. I am always amazed how they read those things. So today was day of reckoning numero uno. (Yes in my world there are many days of reckoning.) I was going in to see if my little follicles had mature eggs sitting in them. There was a chance the drugs could have over or under stimulated me. Too many are dangerous to your health and too few just decrease your odds of success. Well the doc counted them up and there were only ten. Which isn't terrible, just mediocre. She also informed me that due to my endometriosis my right ovary has been dislocated and is sitting behind my uterus, making it difficult or impossible to reach those eggs when they do the extraction. So basically I only have about 5 or 6 potential eggs.

Where do I begin - I guess anywhere that doesn't involve me making crazy high pitch squeeling noises as I cry would be productive. Hmmm. That doesn't leave a whole lot else. I did manage to squeek out this question: "How did I get this far into the process with nobody noticing my funked up ovary?!" Answer from doctor is that they just wouldn't have been able to see this until I got all puffed up from the drugs. My fluffy uterus and bulging eggsacs pushed things around I guess. And she said there is some chance that it could move between now and Wednesday when I go back in for another ultrasound. Well Moses parted the Sea and my mom just might move my ovary. She is dead set on making it happen between now and Wednesday so I feel like I am at least covered in the faith department there.

Doctor also mentioned that my low quantity probably isn't the fault of my drugs because endo patients just tend to not stim as well. What? Where was this disclaimer earlier on? I feel like I can handle a lot if I know the pros and the cons. But I really (naively perhaps) did not see this one coming and had actually hoped, yes HOPED that I would be the model 20 egg patient. I hate you hope. You make me look stupid.

So Doctor said that Wednesday we will see how things are progressing, and then she will have a better count of the true potential eggs. She said that less than three, they will not proceed, which is called a cancellation. 3-6, they have a serious discussion about whether it is worth proceeding -And we may be having that talk on Wednesday. H and I are both leaning toward proceeding. If I stop at this point I will be out the cost of the drugs plus a couple thousand bucks, but they will refund the rest. But I will also be at square one all over again and I don't want to go back there.

My sane side realizes it just takes one embryo to make a baby. So all I need is one good egg, that turns into one good embryo, that turns into one naughty baby. So this is not the end of the world, and I still have a chance. Sigh.


Melissa said...

My heart broke reading your post. I know you follow the same blog I do, the woman who used My IVF Alternative. Well, she only had 2 good eggs in the end. And she's pregnant now.

But I know stories like that don't help the crazy that goes on in our head. They are easy to point out but when your knee deep in this whole fertility mess, they aren't easy to remember. You are right, it only takes one egg. Stay positive, your almost to the finish line!!

If you proceed, when are the doctors saying they will retrieve your eggs?

Sarah said...

Although I haven't experienced this particular struggle I have felt all of those feelings you describe so perfectly. I know what it's like to feel stupid for hoping for something.

I wish I the ability to better express love, support, encouragement and understanding. This comment is an attempt to do that. I wish we lived closer so I could leave a plastic cow on your doorstep and get a sexy pic of H in return. Or a scary xylophone.

Instead, I will offer my hope, united with yours, and the faith of a tiny mustard seed. Or, in this case, the faith of a tiny single egg.

The Genetic Mule said...

Thank you for each of your kind words they really mean so much to me.

Court said...

My IVF sister is reading your blog over my shoulder. She says it looks like things are going really well. It really does take only one good egg. She's just wondering, are you doing ICSI?

Sending good fertility thoughts your way. THINK IMPLANTATION!!